Unexpected
by Gesserit
Summary: humor...parody...whatever Classic scene of betrayed Kagome who runs away and slams into Sesshoumaru in the woods, of course. Things don't turn out exactly as planned. They hit it off though. Rated for some language, I guess. Just wanted to do smth fun.


Unexpected

She ran as fast as her legs could take her. She was out of breath, out of time, out of sense and out of luck. Everyone had been meddling with her life, and she hated them. Inuyasha was a moronic twit, as always, Sango was going on and on and ON about keeping her temper… meanwhile she was kicking the living daylight out of Miroku, who by the way was siding with that bastard mutt, who had kissed that fucking dead bitch AGAIN, and now she had ran away. What a wuss she was. Higurashi Kagome, who couldn't deal with the one she loved loving her dead copy! So yes, she ran.

The forest was quiet and damped. The rain had just stopped and the ground was soaked, the dead leaves stuck to her shoes, and she was hot. From the running, from the irritation they all had caused her to feel… who the hell knew why anymore? She was still running, looking down. A great big white wall made her fall flat on her ass on the forest floor.

"Shit." She muttered.

"What the fuck is… Aww, I'm so screwed…" Kagome mumbled as her eyes met Sesshoumaru's. He turned slowly and stared at her. Her face was tear-bathed, and her breath fast.

"Uhm… I don't suppose I could interest you in a lame apology…" Sesshoumaru didn't react at all. He just stood there, looking stupidly still at her. Kagome cleared her throat. She thought these were her last moments on Earth, so she decided to be smart about her own demise.

"Okay, but… could you make it quick and painless? I don't want to make a mess, you know, this wood's so nice an everything, and I don't really think you'd enjoy that very… very nice and… ufff… expensive looking kimono to get all blood stained and all… So… just…." She waved her hand about her own neck.

".. slice the fucker off, would you?" she looked up at him. Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow.

"What are you talking about?" Kagome almost didn't expect him to say anything.

"My… well your… You know!" she waved her hand about her neck again, and looked at him intently.

"No… I really do not." He said slowly. Man, was this useless human annoying him!

Kagome took in air and leaned back on her elbows, on the wet carpet of dead leaves. She prepared herself much like one would before beginning a story.

"Well you know, when crying, dirty, depressed and overall let down girl comes running across the devil impersonated, cold and overall not giving a shit taiyoukai, she is bound to get whacked!" she said, in a tone that made it perfectly clear that she was convinced of her own sayings. She was quite at peace with the idea, though, as strange as that might have been. Sesshoumaru tilted his head. Truth be told, everyone would think that, considering his attitude, but as of recently, he'd gotten kinda sick of being so predictable.

"AND BESIDES…" she almost yelled, making him back a little, "… we're in the middle of nowhere, Inuyasha can't, or won't find me, the insensitive moron, it's like the perfect time for you to… do your thing! So… make it quick, will you, I have no intention of squirming to death in my own blood. Okay?" she was smiling nicely up at him.

Sesshoumaru had to admit he'd never seen any creature so eager to die before. Well, maybe except for that time when he'd met that weird woman who said she… how had she put it? Oh yes, that she "loved him" and he was "beautiful". Women were really strange. Especially human ones. Oh well… being famous and almighty has its perks, but then again it has downs as well.

"You wish for me to end your life." Kagome looked at him bedazzled.

"Uhm… gee, you think? Of course I don't, like… duuh! Who'd want that?" She rolled her eyes. Hell, she was gonna die, at least she was going down fearless! Yeah! The thought perked her up, and she sent Sesshoumaru a weird smile. He backed again, almost grimacing. This girl was really strange. He hoped she wasn't contagious or anything.

"I am confused."

Kagome looked up at him. He looked so serious, that she could laugh.

"I'm very sorry for you." She retorted. Sesshoumaru couldn't understand her a bit. She didn't make sense.

"Guess they didn't invent sarcasm until the nineteenth century…" she mumbled to herself, getting a little bored. Was he gonna kill her or what?

"Okay, would you mind telling me what your intentions are, I'm getting soaked here, and if I'm not gonna die today, I'd better not have my uniform stained because you're to _confused_ to leave me be." Sesshoumaru had the vague idea that the joke was on him. He felt…uncomfortable.

"My intentions? Why would I inform you of my intentions?" he asked politely, stepping towards her. Kagome threw her head backwards to look at him. She shrugged.

"Okay, then… wanna help me up?" she extended her arm to him. The palm of her hand was dirty with moist soil. Sesshoumaru eyed it for a few seconds.

"You're not gonna lose any stamina because of it, rest assured. It's just mud." She knew he wasn't gonna help her, she just wanted to see how far she could push his buttons. Although Kagome knew Sesshoumaru probably wasn't the best person to be joked around with, she just had a mad desire to laugh at something, at anything… Her life had just gone to hell, what the …hell… Well… poor choice of words.

Sesshoumaru took her hand and urged her up in one swift motion. Kagome looked at him in awe.

"Wooww…" she mostly let out air.

"Coherence seems to be on and off you today." Kagome shook the dirt off her clothes. Her skirt had a huge stain on the ass.

"This is your fault…" she mumbled. Sesshoumaru grabbed her shoulder and turned her with her back to him, looking at her clothes.

"I sincerely hope you're not checking out my goods…" she said, and he snarled.

"You sincerely hope I am not what?"

"You know…" she tilted her head while turning her face to him again and gave him another look of intent, raising her eyebrows a few times, just to throw him a hint.

"No. I really do not." She rolled her eyes.

"Never mind…" There was an awkward moment of silence between them.

"Is this where you kiss me?"

"Excuse me?" Sesshoumaru almost smiled.

Kagome grimaced, confused.

"Well, seeing as you won't kill me…"

"Well, are these my options? Kill you or kiss you?" Kagome shrugged.

"I dunno. Usually, if the insensitive bitch turns out to be _not so insensitive_, he's usually very sweet and cuddly on the inside." He looked sceptical, for some reason. She pouted, hoping that he would find her cute and kiss her.

"Do I take it as I am the insensitive part here?"

"Uh huh. Sorry… but you are. I mean, I can't be, I'm the erratic, loopy part. You have to be the insensitive one. Everything else is booked." She tilted her head. Sesshoumaru couldn't understand half the words she'd just said.

"I see. And, according to your beliefs, persons like… me – he motions toward his chest-… often are… how did you say we were?"

"Sweet and cuddly on the inside." He hurried to say. He nodded, as if he'd understood.

"I'm not." He finally said, ruining a perfectly good opportunity for Kagome to feel like they did in those old movies.

"Protective?" she tried again. He shook his head slowly.

"I'm sorry."

"Well, if a giant something… say… Naraku, would jump out of the bushes and attacked me, would you at least say _don't hurt her you bastard_, or something like that?

"Aside the fact that there are very small bushes around here… No, I believe I would do no such thing. Why would Naraku want you harmed."

"Who knows? Bad guys always want the girl…"

"The girl?"

"Yes. That's… yours truly."

"My what?"

"Me!" she yelled, exasperated.

"You are not mine."

"Quick comeback!" she mocked him. Sesshoumaru had had a very strange afternoon. First, Rin wanted to know how babies were made, then Jaken had tried to explain it to her, only to fail miserably, and then he'd been rather forced into a somewhat undignifying explanation which included birds and flowers, and bees. Awkward. He had no intention of going through that again.

"No, I mean, the bad guy… that's Naraku – she said slowly, like she would have told a small child or an idiot, much like he felt- always wants to do away with the girl… that's me." Sesshoumaru couldn't really follow her wording, but he felt quite entertained by the silly sort of manner she used to explain things. She looked like Rin.

"And what is my part in this?" he decided to go along.

"Uhm… well, initially you were the bad guy at hand, being all high and mighty and all, but it can be a bit of a problem you not wanting to kill me, so… I'm at a loss here. You can't be the hero, because that's usually Inuyasha, but as long as he's not around…" she grimaced, and shrugged.

"Not interested. I believe I will be the impassive, yet strangely attractive stranger who walks in unexpectedly and saves the girl without that being his primary concern, though. That, I believe, is more suitable to my wishes."

"And your ego…"

"My ego had nothing to do with this."

"Wow, I'm guessing it's pretty big…"

"Not quite as big as everyone seems to be imagining."

"Oh come on. It HAS to be bigger than average, I mean you're a big guy, you have status and shit… uhm.. stuff… It has to be big!"

"I can assure you it's really not that big."

This was getting confusing. To both parties.

"At least a few inches bigger than Inuyasha's anyway, you're way more uptight than he is…"

"Comparison with my brother will not get you highly recommended."

"And what would?"

"Not talking about my ego size."

"Oh."

"Indeed."

Again, awkward silence.

"Why were you running?" Kagome gave him a startled look.

He didn't react to it at all.

"Long story."

"Simplified into…"

She smiled, looking down, then suddenly gave him a sharp look.

"Your brother being an asshole."

"Oh."

"Yes…" she added, not knowing what to say.

"Well, I'm used to it, I guess I'll be returning now, let him take me for granted for another couple of weeks, before I burst into tears and run away again…"

"If you must…"

"I believe I do." She whispered, fingering her skirt.

"Try not to let him get to you more than you need to." She widened her eyes up at him.

"Was that an advice? I'm shocked."

"Likewise."

"Sarcasm, dear God, I think the world is coming to an end!"

"I wouldn't count on that just yet." He retorted, a little amused. It had been along time since he'd had some genuine fun.

Silence. She couldn't bring herself to leave.

"So is this where you kiss me?"

"Why do you keep asking that?"

"I dunno. Do you want to kiss me?"

"Why would I?"

"Why wouldn't you?" she pouted. Sesshoumaru felt like he should be saying something insensitive right about now, to teach her not to mess with him… but why would he?

"We don't kiss." Her mouth fell agape.

"What do you mean you don't kiss? Who's _you_?"

"Us. Youkai."

"Come on! Everyone kisses!"

"Apparently not everyone."

"You're kidding me. Right?" she wasn't all that sure though. He seemed pretty serious.

"You're not kidding me." He shook his head lightly.

"Right. But… why? It's really… I mean… it's pretty good." Her voice was somewhat insecure.

"I'm sure that for you humans it may very well be. But we have no attraction towards it. Our affections are… otherwise portrayed, let us put it this way." His tone was a little embarrassed… or no, more like uncomfortable. Kagome looked at him from the corner of her eye.

"Inuyasha kissed Kikyo…"

"That's because he's an asshole."

"What?" she laughed out.

"Oh, did I say that? I meant half breed."

"Hey don't insult him just because he stomped all over my feelings. That's my job."

"I've known him longer." Sesshoumaru thought it necessary to reply.

"Yeah, but he's been on my nerves waaay more! So there."

"True." He had to admit defeat.

"I'm gonna just… go now." She half-heartedly turned to leave. She wasn't feeling so bad…after all. So what if Inuyasha had been a jackass? She would get over it, like she did every other time. Oh, life was good, it had to be or else she was in big trouble.

"But don't you want me to kiss you?" she heard the taiyoukai say. She laughed out her surprise.

"Yeah, right."

"Well, don't you?" she looked at him amused. Sesshoumaru had turned out to be a lot more relaxed than he seemed.

"Yeah, actually, I'm longing for that kiss ever since I first saw you… You know, when you tried to murder me at your dad's grave?" She was joking, but he seemed serious.

"Then I'd better live up to the expectation." He took her chin and raised her face to him, coming a little closer.

"Are you sure?" he asked. Kagome didn't know what to say. Was this for real, or…

"Yes."

"Fine." He almost didn't touch her at all, other than with his mouth. He bit her bottom lip and had a quick taste of her blood, her human, salty taste, before she jerked backwards.

"Ouch!"

He stood there, half amused, half surprised.

"You never said you wanted a _human_ kiss." She frowned a little, the pain almost vanishing. She passed her tongue over her lip.

"True."

"I'll just… go now."

"Good bye."

"Uh huh." She mumbled, turning from him, sucking on her own sore lip. It really did hurt a bit. But it was… interesting. She smiled and decided not to look back. But Sesshoumaru was still there, smiling in the corner of his mouth. What for, Heaven only knew.

:---:

AN: Funky, I know. Hope you smiled.


End file.
